can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
