i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
