There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
