The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Farmville is her only friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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