38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
