i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
