so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how do flat chested girls get laid?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
