I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
