I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
