i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
