Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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