Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
