dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's the barista slut.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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