Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
