just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
