Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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