I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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