So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
