Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
