if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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