I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
two words...techno handjob
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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