That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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