ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
