Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
