guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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