i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
