Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
