loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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