I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
