Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
