Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
