My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
