She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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