Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
