dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
