Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just forgot I was standing up.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
