New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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