i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
