there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
