My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
