my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
