That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
