Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
