We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
