Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
