he wants to bone in the snuggie
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
