i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
