dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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