You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
