I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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