When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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