wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
