So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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