Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
