Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
