i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
