I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
